Amusing Oneself Can Be a Dangerous Thing.

This is not my survey. It's a Facebook survey. Anyone who ever took a Facebook survey probably got this in their notifications. I did. First of all, I looked at it because the title made me laugh. Basically... "Answer honestly... or just lie. That's cool too. Either way." In any event, after I took it, my stupid Facebook would not publish it. And frankly, it was one of the funniest surveys I have taken in a long while. Not to mention my answers. They were pretty funny too, not gonna lie. In any event, here it is. (Oh, by the way, I took advantage of the title offer... but I believe I mentioned every time that I stretched the truth a bit. Or just twisted it entirely. In any event, I mentioned it.)

The Answer Honestly or Just Have Fun Survey

1 : Confess something.
Okay, okay, I admit it. I ate the chocolate. I did it. It was me. You can just shoot me now, because I don't think I can live any longer with the consternation and guilt. It weighs too heavily upon me.

2 : Have you ever dated someone you met online?
I have never dated anyone, met online or no.

3 : What, if anything, do you collect?
I collect Jones bottles. Empty ones. I drink the soda out of them first, of course. Also I collect books. And teddy bears. And old fingernail clippings. (Okay, that was a lie. I don't collect old fingernail clippings.) But I do collect hot guys' cell phone numbers. (Okay, that's a lie too. Really, I'm not interested. I don't even have texting. Okay, okay, that was a lie too, I admit it. Sheesh.)

4 : Is bigger always better?
No. For instance, a bigger bookshelf or a bigger bed is always better, but a bigger rear end is not.

5 : What do you think of natural childbirth?
If one is to go about birthing a child, it seems to me that the best way would be the way God intended it.

6 : What is the worst comment or gesture you have ever made to another driver?
Umm... (Embarrassedly looks at floor.)... "Loser." (Clears throat nervously.) I am going to be allowed to come back to church, right? ...Right? ...No, don't kick me out, please! I didn't mean it! I repent! I repent!

7 : Do you have a bail money stash just in case?
Well, the jar's kind of empty just now, from the last time. But I'm working on filling it back up again.

8 : Do you know how to tie a necktie?
Yes. Yes, I do.

9 : Do you know how to tie a bowtie?
No. No, I do not. Who wears bowties these days, anyway?

10 : Who told you how babies are made?
My schoolteacher. (She's my mother, okay? I was homeschooled. Don't judge!)

11 : Have you ever put something inside the knothole of a tree?
Yes, I do believe I have. I can't remember exactly what, but whatever it was, it probably belonged to Hayden.

12 : Do you peek through construction fences?
No. I'm not in the habit of stalking construction workers. Gen'rally, they tend to appear as if they fell right out of the tip-top of the Ugly Tree and hit every branch on the way down. No offense, if you're a construction worker or anything. I'm sure you don't appear that way at all. Was that a bad thing to say? My mother will probably reprimand me for this one, so I'll apologize for any wounded feelings ahead of time.

13 : Have you ever written anything on a bathroom wall? What?
No. I'm not into defiling public property with dirty language.

14 : Do you have an alias?
Yes. But it's top secret. I could never reveal it in a public forum. They'd have to shoot you, then.

15 : Should men wear wedding rings?
Of course. What kind of a question is that? What, men shouldn't wear a symbol of their vow of love and devotion and faithfulness to their wives, just the same as women do for their husbands? It's the same commitment, so why not wear the same symbol?

16 : Have you made any plans for when you die?
Yes. Shyloh knows what's up. If anything ever should happen, just ask her.

17 : Can a man and a woman just be friends?
Definitely. I don't know where I should be if I couldn't be just friends with guys. Dear me.

The fact that I posted this on Facebook and then also on my blog tells me that I amuse myself too much for my own good. I had better hurry up and get more boring so I won't keep amusing myself in this manner. Dear me, how complicated this situation is becoming. Oh dear...