Hello there, faithful ones.
I've made an important decision.
Want to know what it is? Of course you do. It's this:
I will not make any commitments or promises that I can't/won't/might-not-be-able-to keep anymore.
This way, I won't have to constantly apologize to you and everyone else on the face of the earth when I let them down in some way or other, because I heap too much "on my plate," so to speak. Because I really hate that. The feeling of having let someone down.
There's this thing in me (maybe in everyone, but I know it's in me) that is this intense desire to please... to live up to the expectations of the people I respect and/or love. It doesn't really play out so much as far as like giving in to peer pressure and wanting to fit in; no, that's a different story entirely. But I'm talking about being and doing anything and everything that's expected of you. I'm talking about never disappointing someone. Never letting them down. Always being there for people, always providing what they need. And my constant failure in this area (I am only human, I mean... I fail a lot) gets me rather down sometimes. When I'm constantly NOT being what I should be. It's like I feel like I should be perfect, and I'm not. Obviously, I'm not. It's a lesson the Lord's been teaching me lately, I guess. That by His grace I am who I am, and He is working in me to make me who He wants me to be, and His expectations are the only ones I need to live up to. Because sometimes, people's expectations can be higher than what I can attain right now. And there's nothing I can do about that, I just need to keep my focus in the right place. On Him.
Speaking of focus. I've struggled lately with some contentment issues, and a desire to see the "big picture" of what God's doing with my life. Funny thing about that is, even though that is the desire of my heart right now, God isn't seeing fit to show me that. Maybe - probably - I'm not ready to know those things yet. I still need to grow in Him, learn about submission and love and self-sacrifice. I need to understand more deeply who He is, learn the beat of His heart, the depth of His love. Sixteen years can't always teach you that. And I don't believe I'm there yet.
Anyways. Back to the point. Contentment issues.
I've been reading this book. Emotional Purity. Heather Arnel Paulsen. Great author, great book. Everyone should read it. But there's this passage from it that I want to share.
"A key to having a deep personal relationship with God is contentment. Why? Easy. When you are fully content, you say that you are 100 percent totally willing to accept whatever God wants to throw your way - the good, the bad, and the ugly. Look at Jesus' heart of contentment toward the Father:
'Have this mind among yourselves, which is yours in Christ Jesus, who, though He was in the form of God, did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped, but made Himself nothing, taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. And being found in human form, He humbled Himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross.' Philippians 2:5-8
Once you fully let go of yourself, you take on the attitude of Christ Jesus. Jesus may have wanted the "cup" of suffering to be taken from Him (Matthew 26:39), but He went all the way to death to prove His trust in the Father's plans.
Many of us are familiar with Philippians 4:11, where Paul tells us he had "learned in whatever situation I am to be content." Notice the word learned. He did not just - poof! - understand contentment. He learned to be satisfied in God's private classroom of life. When Paul released what he wanted, he found gratification. Even when he was shipwrecked, beaten, and jailed for the sake of Christ, he found contentment. He learned to release his will, to die to his desires, and to live for Christ. "For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain" (Philippians 1:21). Paul knew that death to self is truly living for Christ.
We cannot have godliness without contentment. "Now there is great gain in godliness with contentment" (1 Timothy 6:6, italics mine). The rich man in Luke 12:13-21 was not content with what he had. He planned to build more barns and have good years ahead of him. Yet that very night God required his soul. How much could he have done for the Lord had he found satisfaction with what he had? Unfortunately, we will never know. What a regretful statement. Often many of us are not content with our lot. When we are dissatisfied, we may be unable to see what God would want for us. This focus on ourselves keeps us from seeing God's blessings in out lives."
Um... hello! Major wakeup call, for me anyways. I love that she stresses how Paul learned contentment. It makes me feel better when I think how I haven't learned it quite yet. But I'm learning, and growing, so it's okay! (:
In any case.
Tomorrow, Daylight Savings Time ends. SO. Make sure you set your clocks BACK exactly ONE hour! (:
This is one day that I don't mind... I get to sleep for an extra hour, hurra! Especially nice because it's Saturday night, so it gives me extra rest for Sunday. So, so, so nice. (:
Goodnight, my loves. Thanks for dropping in. (:
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