Trust and Disappointment and Sacrifice.

I'm kind of disappointed. You know how sometimes, you have really high expectations of a person because you know them to be a person who has set high standards for themself? And then they go and do something very silly. And you are disappointed in them, because this person whose high standards you admired and who you thought you rather knew just did something heinous and lame. And maybe it wasn't towards you, but whatever it was, it rather shocked you and definitely shook your confidence in that person a great deal.

Yeah, I am so very there right now.

It's pretty lame.

"...For the Lord does not see as man sees;

For man looks at the outward appearance,

But the Lord looks at the heart."

- 1 Samuel 16:7

God's been teaching me a lot of things lately. For instance,

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
And lean not on your own understanding;

In all your ways acknowledge Him,

And He shall direct your paths."

- Proverbs 3:5-6

And about trust : I'm realizing so much how I have to trust Him with everything in my life - not just the things I feel "comfortable" giving Him, not just the things I think I can "do without," or just the things I feel are insignificant enough that He can "handle" them without my help. If I want to grow, I have to give Him everything.

In 2nd Samuel 24, David disobeys God by numbering his people when God has forbidden him to do so. As soon as he has sinned, God confronts David in his sin through the prophet Gad, and he repents. BUT, his sin does not come without a consequence, and because of David's disobedience, the whole of Israel is struck with a plague that will last three days. It says in 2nd Samuel that 70,000 (yes, that's seventy thousand) people died. Gad comes to David again, and this time tells him to "erect an altar to the Lord on the threshing floor of Araunah the Jebusite." (2nd Samuel 24:18). So, David goes to Araunah and asks if he can buy his threshing floor. Araunah says that David need not pay and that he'll gladly give him the oxen for an offering and the yokes and threshing tools for wood, also. David refuses, and says this :

"No, but I will surely buy it from you for a price; nor will I offer burnt offerings to the Lord my God with that which costs me nothing."

2nd Samuel 24:24

David understood the value of sacrifice. It is not sacrifice if it costs us nothing. Sacrifice is "the surrrender or destruction of something prized or desirable for the sake of something considered as having a higher or more pressing claim." It must cost us something, or the purpose is defeated. If it costs nothing, it is worth nothing to us.

Isn't that true? If we do not have to work or struggle or suffer to pay for it, then it is completely valueless in our eyes. That's why we have to give Him everything - even the really hard things. Even the things that are so close to us that we think no one could possibly handle them except us. And even when our flesh takes over us and we completely mangle the situation, we still don't believe that He could do it better. Even when our relationships with other people are a train wreck and who knows what's going on in our hearts, we still can't bring ourselves to believe that He knows already. And He could have way done a better job in the first place, if we'd let Him and stop getting in His way.

And maybe right now it sounds like I've got this all figured out. Like I'm not struggling in this area. Maybe it sounds like I've really got this together. But, uh - just between you and me - I don't. Oh, I understand it. But you know the saying :

It's easier said than done.

It's so very true. I know. I just... acting on the knowledge is harder than just gaining the knowledge. Go figure, right? Sheesh. Well... He never said it was gonna be easy.

No... He didn't say it would be easy. BUT, He did say that,

The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart,

And saves such as have a contrite spirit.

- Psalm 34:18

Isn't that amazing? No wonder that a bit earlier in the same psalm, David wrote,

O taste and see that the Lord is good;

Blessed is the man who trusts in Him!

-Psalm 34:8

There is a song rather to that effect, and it happens that I can't get it out of my mind just now, so here it is.

O taste and see that the Lord is good!

O taste and see that the Lord is good to me!

You turned my mourning into dancing;

Put off my rags and clothed me with gladness;

Now I will sing, and I will dance, I'll shout and not be silent!

O Lord, my God, I will give thanks to You forever!

O Lord, my God, I will give thanks to You!

The knowledge of His goodness is so great!!! I can't even imagine. In Job it says,

The Spirit of God has made me,

And the breath of the Almighty gives me life.

- Job 33:4

I can relate to the Psalmist when he says in Psalm 8,

When I consider Your heavens, the work of Your fingers,
The moon and the stars, which You have ordained,

What is man that You are mindful of him,

And the son of man that you visit him?

-Psalm 8:3-4

What are we? Why does He care about us? Why does He think about us? Why? We are nothing! Why? Because He loves us! He created us! He created us to love Him and worship Him and live in perfect communion with Him! To abide with Him. That's why. And it's beautiful.

You look down from heaven and melt me with Your gaze.
You come down from heaven and wrap me in Your wings.

And it makes me feel loved again, so close in Your arms.

And it makes me feel home again, so close to Your heart.

♥